How to Deal with Negative People: 5 Practical Actions You Can Take Today

Positive thinking or an optimistic attitude is focusing on the good in any situation, a state of mind that instantaneously perceives the best in everything. On the flip side, lack of a positive aptitude of the mind indicates that the person will focus on the bad, constantly finding flaws, complaining, and dragging down the energy of those around them.

However, it’s imperative to understand that we deal with various aptitudes of the mind (not people). Our mind has been conditioned from childhood, profoundly influencing one’s approach towards daily life. The mind stores life’s experiences and acts as a defence mechanism, trying to protect our sense of self—our ego. This drive to safeguard "I, me, and mine" can lead to protect its well-being, even if it is at the cost of hurting another person. Our behavior stems from this unconscious, selfish need to preserve what we believe is “mine”.

You may experience negativity through words, actions, and vibration energy; it can be quite draining especially when it comes from your friends or family. It’s natural to feel hurt and rejected. We feel victimised at the hands of those we love, and while we try to stay positive, sometimes it’s can be really hard. It’s crucial to protect yourself from such situations, let’s explore ways of shielding yourself from negativity.

How do you fence yourself from negativity?

• Set boundaries: Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people. Consciously choose to be in the company of those who are more qualitative than you. Positivity breeds positivity!
• Mindset, Not the person: Realize that we are dealing with the various aptitudes of the mind, or Vikaars, and not the person. Help them rise above old habits rather than resenting them.
• Empathy and Compassion: Accept that we are all hurting, unsatisfied with life, and constantly seeking love and support. A little kindness goes a long way.
• Forgiveness: We all have made errors in judgment and have been wrong; it’s only human. Accept others' mistakes and forgive them just as we would want to be forgiven.
• Live and let live: Allow everyone to have their point of view. Listen to it, but don’t get influenced by it and stay true to yourself.
• Increase your tolerance level: Develop an aptitude for taking things lightly and laughing them off. Don’t take everything personally—it’s not always about you.
• Stay positive: Challenge your mind to stay positive even in the midst of negativity. Train your mind to avoid getting into the trap of negative thinking.
• Unwind: Engage in joyful activities every day—exercise, art, meditation, reading, or simply taking a walk. These actions help reset your mental state.
• Communicate Your Feelings : Let the other person know that you didn’t appreciate their approach. Calmly express the way their approach impacts you.
• Recognize Your Own Negativity : Accept that we all have moments of negativity and that it’s okay if you or anyone else is unable to put a positive spin on everything.

How to be unaffected by negativity?

Power of Interpretation (Avoid attaching meaning)

Don’t attach meaning to every word or action directed at you. The quickest and most powerful way to safeguard yourself is to be aware of the way we are interpreting the situation. Instead of attaching a positive spin to things, don’t attach any meaning to it at all.

To quote Shubha Didi, “Shabd hawa ka gunn hai"—words are like the air; let them pass without holding onto them.

Let it go (Avoid repetition).

The person who has hurt you has done so in a particular moment and departed; however, we repeat the instance in our head over and over again and constantly relive that pain in the now, further intensifying the agony. It’s essential for our mental well-being to not just forgive but forget, avoid repetition, and let that memory slip away from our conscious mind. Learn to say no to your mind when it’s replaying the same instances again; instead, engage your mind with qualitative thoughts and actions. Forgive, forget, and move on.

Minimise the effects of conflict in your head (Avoid magnification).

The mind tends to make minor issues larger, making a mountain out of a mole hill; awareness of this mind's aptitude for magnifying everything will help us escape the snowballing effects designed to destroy our peace. Recognise when you’re doing this and let the problem shrink back to its actual size.

Be present (Avoid lingering in the past or future).

Stay connected to the deep, intense now. Live in the moment! But how? It can only be practised through a pure mind. A pure mind, cultivated through mindfulness, brings joy in the present. Purification of the mind is accelerated through Guru's presence and in holy company. Life is blissful when you’re living your life in the present moment instead of holding onto past experiences or future imaginations.

Self-reliance (Avoid dependency on external people or situations)

Perceiving negativity in our surroundings is a sign that negativity exists within us. We can only identify something that we are aware of; being able to sense negativity in another is an indicator that negativity lies within us, too. Realise that negativity perceived in others may reflect unresolved issues within yourself.

There were two brothers. The older one had always harboured jealousy and resentment toward the younger. Over time, his hatred led to multiple attempts to harm his brother, though none were successful. One day, while standing on a hilltop, the older brother saw his younger sibling below and, without thinking, rolled a boulder down the hill to crush him. But instead, the older brother slipped and was pinned under the boulder himself.

The younger brother rushed to his aid and cared for him until his recovery. As the older brother lay on his deathbed, filled with regret, he sought forgiveness. To his surprise, the younger brother revealed that he had never felt any hatred—only love. He had been unaware of his older sibling’s ill intentions and saw only their bond of brotherhood.

The older brother realised that his hatred had been self-destructive, while his younger sibling’s love had shielded him from harm.

The younger brother was none other than the Buddha!

It all starts with you. The way we perceive and react to negativity is within our control. You hold the power to choose how you feel. Harness this power and experience the truest form of freedom!